


459

by DaisyFairy



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Discussion of Sexual History, First Kiss, Friends to Lovers, M/M, mention of prostitution
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-09
Updated: 2016-10-09
Packaged: 2018-08-20 11:22:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,586
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8247028
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DaisyFairy/pseuds/DaisyFairy
Summary: The adrenaline after a chase through London leads to a change in Sherlock and John's relationship.Before things go too far John decides they need to slow down which leads to a surprising revelation.





	

John pulls open the door and he and Sherlock tumble into their flat, chests heaving as they struggle to catch their breath. John pushes the door closed and leans back against it, head tilted backs he draws a huge breath in that then escapes in a hysterical giggle.

Sherlock is leaning over his chair with his arms braced against the back, at John's laughter he too begins to giggle.

"That was ridiculous," John gasps, and then continues to laugh.

"It's hardly my fault if people are going to be so touchy." Sherlock tries to sound annoyed, but fails spectacularly.

John manages to get himself a little more under control and tips his chin down to look over at Sherlock.

"Did you have to deduce that those drug dealers were in a long term gay relationship in front of all the other gang members?" John asks, and then begins to laugh again.

"I didn't anticipate them all chasing us," Sherlock giggles "they really should do more cardio training, not one of them could keep up with us and they're half our age."

"Git." John says fondly, pushing away from the door to head to the kitchen. He is just passing Sherlock when he pauses, the affection he feels for this brilliant man bubbles up and cannot be contained any longer. He grasps Sherlock's chin gently and turns his head, then slowly leans in and presses their lips together.

At the first touch both men feel, something break inside. The dam collapses and all of the years of pent up desire are released. The kiss deepens and within seconds they are entwined around one another with John's fingers buried in Sherlock's hair and Sherlock clutching desperately at John's jumper.

John scrabbles to undo Sherlock's shirt buttons, desperate to feel naked skin. Sherlock's hands wander, pushing underneath John's jumper. John pushes him away just long enough to push his shirt off of his shoulders and down his arms. It is dropped in a heap on the floor and the men crash together, then part again briefly to remove John's jumper. 

This time as they come together, kissing fiercely, John fumbles desperately at the fastening of Sherlock's trousers. He can feel the hard length inside and cannot wait any longer to touch and be touched by the man he has wanted for so long. Sherlock is kissing him as if it is the only thing keeping him alive, his hands roaming over John's chest, into his hair and clutching at his back.

Finally the button is free and John starts to pull the zip down when he realises that this is probably a very bad idea. He stops and gasping for breath pushes Sherlock back, until they are standing at arms length.

"John? John? Why are you stopping? What's wrong?" Sherlock cries, trying to pull him back.

"I know you're a virgin, we shouldn't rush this." John does not want to stop, but even more than that he doesn't want to hurt Sherlock by rushing him into something he isn't ready for.

"No. I don't want to stop."

"It's ok. We don't need to rush." John soothes.

"I'm not a virgin. I've had sex before." Sherlock insists.

John is surprised, "Irene seemed very convinced, and Mycroft-"

"Mycroft likes to pretend that I am some kind of eunuch. As for Irene, she may be observant, but this is not something that I care to share, I have spent many years learning how to hide this side of my past. Please can we get on with things now."

Having had a few moments to catch his breath John's ardour has cooled slightly, and frankly Sherlock's admittance to having had sex does not change the fact that they should probably take this slowly if it is to develop into any more than a one time shag leading to awkwardness and a ruined friendship.

"Still we don't need to hurry. If.. that is, if you don't just want this to be a one time thing." John moves close again and places one hand on Sherlock's waist and softly caresses his ribs with the other.

Sherlock gulps and visibly tenses his muscles to restrain himself. "No, I, no, not a one time thing," He pulls John in and kisses him chastely "what do you want?"

"Come here you." John murmurs, pulling Sherlock towards the couch. They sit close, angled towards each other and kiss slowly and deeply for several minutes, unhurried and pouring in every bit of emotion they gave been hiding for years.

John breaks the kiss, leaning away, and Sherlock whimpers, trying to chase his lips but John puts a hand on Sherlock's chest to stop him.

"I.. God Sherlock, I've wanted this so long, but I didn't think you felt things like this."

"I do John, with you, I do feel. I want you." As he says this Sherlock surges forward again to capture John's lips, leaning over him on the couch, his long fingers caressing John's hips, gradually inching towards his groin.

John kisses back briefly, then gently pushes him away again.

"This means so much to me, but.. I know you said you aren't a virgin, but I know you don't have much experience, and I've only been with a man once, so I really think we should slow this down."

Sherlock stops trying to get closer to John and sounds concerned when he asks "Do you need to slow down John? I'm sorry, I didn't realise your inexperience with men would worry you."

"No, I'm fine Lo... Sherlock. I just don't want to rush you, I mean, how many partners have you had? One or two? I know I was still pretty nervous about sex when I had only been with a couple of girls."

Sherlock's eyes look troubled and he chuckles darkly. "You really don't need to worry John, my 'number' is not one or two, remember I was a drug addict."

"Oh! Oh. Ok. Well still, lets take it slow."

Sherlock is beginning to get agitated, "No John, I've wanted this for years, and now you say we have to wait longer. Do you think I'm a child?"

John smiles gently and strokes Sherlock's shoulder to sooth him. "Of course I don't, but, I've had a lot more experience with this kind of thing, more women and several long term relationships, God Sherlock I was married.." John winces as he says the last word, his point evaporating from his mind as he realises that bringing up Mary is probably not the best thing to do.

Sherlock flinches at the mention of the woman who had almost killed him, stolen away the man who he loved and then as her final act almost managed to kill both of them before John had been forced to kill her in self defence. He yells back, "What is it then, your magic number John? The number of people you have been intimate with that somehow makes you the source of all knowledge."

John swallows, the hurt on Sherlock's face is evident, this is all disintegrating, they may fall apart before they can even get together. He decides he must keep calm if he is to salvage this. "About 30. Ok. That's how many."

Sherlock looks shocked.

"I know, I know its quite a lot," John says defensively "but, well, when you're in the army and you go on leave things tend to get a bit crazy. You know. Sometimes you just need something to remind you that you're alive, even if those other buggers aren't."

Sherlock is incredulous "About 30. ABOUT 30. You mean you don't know exactly?"

John is momentarily nonplussed. It seems Sherlock is not perturbed by the number so much as the inaccuracy, then remembering who he is talking to John realises that this is perhaps not so surprising. "Oh, yes, well I could probably get it pretty accurate if I thought about it, probably to within 1 or 2 of the real number, but its not something that I keep a track of generally."

Sherlock nods, slightly mollified but obviously still not impressed with John's lack of accuracy.

John smiles, "Ok then, well you know mine, so, what's yours then? How many?"

Sherlock stills for a second, just staring at John before answering evasively "That isn't important. Lets just say we are both experienced, we like each other and want to have sex, so there is no reason not to do it now."

"Apart from this argument." John says trying to keep a straight face.

"This is not an argument. This is a discussion where we are remedying your misconceptions about me so that we can move on."

"Go on, tell me your number." John teases, lightly cuffing Sherlock on the shoulder.

Sherlock turns his head away and whispers regretfully "No. I shouldn't have asked you how many you have been with."

"But you did," John says still teasing "it can't be that bad. Go on." He leans up to kiss Sherlock on the cheek.

Sherlock bites his lip, considering whether to ignore the question as if John never asked, run out of the flat and hide in a bolt hole until morning or to trust John with his secret. He moves to the far side of the couch and watches John cautiously. Eventually he mumbles "Four hundred and fifty nine." whilst staring at the wallpaper, unable to make eye contact.

John freezes "Sorry, what was that?" He asks certain that he misheard.

"Four hundred and fifty nine." Sherlock repeats a little louder.

"Four...hundred?"

"and fifty nine, yes John." Sherlock is exuding fake confidence now, trying desperately to hide the nervousness at how John will react, he had most definitely not planned on revealing this.

"That's, that's quite a lot."

"Yes. So, no need to take anything slow, lets get on with it." He replies, moving back towards John.

John scooches away and holds up a hand to stop Sherlock coming closer.

"Why? Why is it so high? I don't.. even on drugs, I don't get how there were so many."

"Do we have to?"

"I suppose it doesn't matter, but, four hundred and fifty nine? Really?"

In his nervousness Sherlock begins to babble "That is the number who penetrated me either anally or orally. If you would prefer just the anal penetration figure that would be three hundred and eighty five. Of course if I include sex acts that did not actually penetrate my body the figure would be higher, but I personally do not count those.."

"Jesus."

Now that Sherlock has told John it seems he cannot stop, he continues "Obviously the total number of times I have had penetrative sex is much higher, some of those were repeat customers. That number would be one thousand, two hundred and five. I could make you a graph if you want detailing the statistics of different sex acts and positions."

Out of Sherlock's rambling one word caught John's attention "C.. customers?"

Sherlock closes his eyes momentarily, "Ummm."

"Sherlock! You said customers."

"Um, yes, well that is probably the politest term that we used for them."

"Were you or were you not a prostitute?" John asks reeling from this revelation.

"Um, yeees."

"Men paid you for sex."

"That is generally the definition. Although they didn't actually pay /me/. They paid Justin." Sherlock says defensively.

"Justin?" 

"He ran the... brothel. Do we have to talk about this?"

"Jesus. Yes, we do. So this *Justin* made you have sex with people and he pocketed the money?" John says, then begins to grind his teeth.

"It wasn't like that. I got to have somewhere safe to stay, somewhere warm and dry, food,..." Sherlock explains, now resigned to telling Him the details.

"Drugs." John cuts in angrily.

"Yes, drugs, he would supply me with drugs without me having to risk visiting the dealers or getting into debt with them. All I had to do was have sex about 4 times a day. I didn't have to stand on street corners trying to find.. customers, I didn't have to go down dark alleys or get into strangers cars. I had a bed, I wasn't sleeping in drug dens or doorways."

"But, a brothel Sherlock?"

Sherlock replies "Yes." He looks crestfallen and goes to stand up to leave the room.

John places a hand on Sherlock's knee to keep him on the sofa "No, don't. I just want to understand."

After a few seconds of Sherlock's eyes darting around Johns face trying and failing to work out what John is thinking he tries to explain. "I wanted drugs, I was homeless with no money and the couple of times I tried to sell myself on the street it was terrifying. Then I met Justin and he looked after me."

"I'll bet he did." John muttered sardonically.

"He did. Really. It was safe there. Once a customer tried to get rough, he broke my rib, but Justin and a few of the others came in and threw him out. If I'd been on my own in a hotel room or in his house there would have been no one to help me, I don't know how far he would have gone. Justin was really good about it, he took me to hospital, and then he let me have a few days off, but he still gave me my supply, and then a few weeks of mostly blow jobs until I was healed."

"Oh God, do you hear yourself? He was good to you because he gave you drugs and only made you give strange men oral sex until your rib was healed, then straight back to the anal I suppose."

"Please John. I, I'm not proud of it, but please don't."

"Ok, ok, but how did you escape in the end?"

"We already established I was not a prisoner, I was there entirely of my own free will."

"Apart from the drug addiction."

Through gritted teeth Sherlock concedes "Yes, John, yes, ok. Apart from the drug addiction."

"But you obviously left eventually."

"Mycroft found me. He came into my room like any other customer, at first I thought there had been some sort of horrific coincidence, that he had been out for some fun and happened to come to my room. Then for an even more horrifying moment I thought he had purposely sought out my room in order to purchase my services. It soon became clear that having given up on homeless shelters and under bridges he had been searching every brothel in London to find me. Obviously at this point he was just climbing the ladder of government power and didn't have minions to do his bidding like he does now."

"You left with him willingly?" John asks disbelievingly.

"Eventually, once he pointed out that my drug addiction was so bad that... that I actually considered having sex with him when I thought he was there as a customer. He convinced me that I should leave."

"And Justin just let you go?"

"Yes. I told you I wasn't a prisoner. I left that night and Mycroft took me to rehab. It took a few more rounds before it stuck, but I didn't go back again. Mycroft always made sure that I had somewhere to stay and money so that I wouldn't have to."

"Christ."

Sherlock looks downcast, "I didn't mean to tell you all of this."

"I'm glad you did."

He looks back up at John and says in a small voice, "I've been tested."

"I know." John replies, he has seen some of the blood tests after Sherlock's various misadventures, and more regularly since his almost overdose on the plane. Mycroft always seems to order full spectrum tests for everything, so a full suite of S.T.I. test results always accompanies the results of every drug screening.

They sit awkwardly on the couch, this evening has been something of a rollercoaster and neither man is quite sure where to go from here.

"John, do you still like me?" Sherlock asks quietly.

"Of course I do, idiot." Well, he's shared his secret, my turn he thinks. "I.. I'm pretty sure I'm in love with you to be honest."

"I love you too." He cries, his voice breaking with relief. "I'm sorry."

"Don't. Don't apologise for your past. Do you regret it?"

"A bit, and it's embarrassing. I wouldn't want people to know about it, but, I probably would be dead if I hadn't gone there. I would have been attacked in an alley or gotten murdered selling myself on a street corner. Justin, he was good to me, even when I begged he wouldn't give me enough to overdose, and he made sure it was good, not cut with anything that would kill me. Of course later I learnt to check that for myself, but at that point I would have taken anything I was given."

John's eyes fill with tears at the thought of his more-than-friend being so alone, so desperate, that a brothel was his best option. He swallows thickly and says "Then I'm glad you went there and did what you had to. I wish you had gone home instead and let your family look after you," Sherlock opens his mouth to interrupt but John continues "but I understand that at the time you didn't see that as an option."

Sherlock begins to cry softly "So you can forgive me."

"There's not really anything to forgive, but if you want me to then yes, love, I forgive you. Come here." John holds his arms out and Sherlock crawls forward into them, almost sitting in his lap in an effort to get close, and sobbing against his shoulder.

"This was all a bit intense, I'm not sure if I'm up for, well, what we were going to do before, right now." John whispers into Sherlock's curls in-between kissing them.

"I understand, why would you want to have sex with a filthy ex-prostitute?" Sherlock mumbles miserably.

"Shhh, that's not what I meant. It's just been a lot to take in. Lets go to bed and we can pick this up in the morning."

Sherlock nods, but secretly believes that once John has had time to think he will want to put the possibility of changing their relationship into a romantic one firmly off the table. "Good night John, I'll see you tomorrow then." He stands to go to his room but is stopped by John grabbing his wrist.

"I was hoping to join you, if that's ok. I'll just go get changed and meet you in your room?" John asks hopefully.

"Yes. Yes please." He replies, on the verge of hyperventilating and feeling rather light headed. He had been so certain of rejection but surely if that was the case John wouldn't want to sleep with him.

"OK, just breath slowly. I'll be right back and we can sleep. I love you." John stands and hugs him briefly, then gives a firm squeeze before stepping away and disappearing to his room.

"I love you too." Sherlock whispers after him, then dashes to his bedroom to change.

Five minutes later John appears in Sherlock's doorway, looking unsure he wavers before crossing the threshold and slipping into the bed next to Sherlock. They lay apart for a few moments, then John turns on his side and slides over. He kisses Sherlock's cheek then pulls him close to whisper in his ear.

"I love you, I don't care about your past, but, if you want to talk about it, I will listen."

Sherlock smiles and blinks back a few happy tears, "I love you John."

"Sherlock Holmes, will you be my boyfriend?"

Sherlock cannot find words to answer. He had always believed that if he ever had a hope of a relationship with John he would have to hide his past, but to have John without having to hide all of the secret parts of himself is truly amazing. Instead of speaking he nods eagerly and wraps his limbs around John holding him as close as it is physically possible to be.

John chuckles and relaxes into the hug. He may have been surprised by tonight's revelations, but nothing in the world could stop him from wanting the man who is currently trembling in his arms. He places a gently kiss onto Sherlock's forehead and whispers "I love you. Tomorrow I'm going out to buy the biggest cake I can find and I'm sending it to Mycroft to thank him for looking after you, and I'm never going to complain about him interfering again. Then I'm taking you out for a real date, with food and.. and.. Oh who am I kidding probably a crime scene or a trip to the morgue, then we will come home, to our home, and we can pick up from where we were earlier."

"I'd like that John. This isn't a dream is it? It feels like a dream."

John chuckles "No, not a dream. I'll still be here in the morning, I promise." He pressed one more kiss on Sherlock's cheek then snuggles into the embrace, within minutes he is fast asleep, his breathing deep and even and his expression totally relaxed.

Sherlock holds him close for almost an hour, trying to memorise everything about this night, until eventually sleep overtakes him too. The two friends lie together their bodies entwined in the same way that their lives will be for the rest of their days.

**Author's Note:**

> If you enjoyed this please leave kudos or a comment, it really does make my day.
> 
> I am DaisyFairy1 on Tumblr.


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